Teresa's Ponderings

This may be hard to believe, but I am not always obedient. Never have been. Now, don't get me wrong, I was a good kid and really didn't give my mother or father much grief, but there were still times I was disobedient. Nothing in particular stands out from my past about the times I was disobedient to my parents, but I know there WERE times and for those times, I, of course am sorry. (really) Disobedience is a funny thing. There is always some "good" reason behind our act and at the time it seems all consuming and more important than the act of obedience, otherwise, why would we do it? Maybe the issue is pride. Maybe the issue is I just don't want to. Maybe the issue is showing the other person they don't have control over our life, but no matter the reason, we have decided that what we want to do is more important than listening to someone else. There have been two different times in my life that disobedience paid a big price for me. Both situations are

This morning I did something I haven't done in almost 12 years. It's funny how I can remember that, I can't remember how much I spent on my last trip to Walmart, but I can remember this. It is random, not at all theological, nor is it rational. However, I have felt the need and desire to do it at least twice in my life (much more when I was younger I am sure) and both times I have received the words I needed to hear. The first occasion was a cool fall night. I can remember the windows being open and I can remember my tears. It was the middle of the night and Curt and Emily were sound asleep but my brain was busy with its own thoughts. Curt and I were unable to have any more children. We had tried for 3 years to no avail. I was devastated. The events surrounding my pregnancy with Emily were as such that I did not truly appreciate what was happening inside my body. On this night, I was pretty sure God was punishing me for every past sin I had committed (bad theology) and fo

I am 41 years old. In those 41 years I have hurt many people and I have been hurt by many people. I have done some awfully stupid things and I have had some awfully stupid things done to me. We're human, it's going to happen. Learning how to handle those situations as they happen is a very tricky situation. We teach children from a very early age to go to the person they have wronged and tell them, "I'm sorry". Whether the offending child is actually sorry for what they have done is of no consequence in most situations, it is the learning process of making a wrong right that is being taught. Generally, the child that has been offended  is then taught to say, "It's ok". Now, whether or not what has actually been done to this child is ok or not, we teach them to say those words because it is the learning process of forgiving that is being taught. Caution: Thinking that goes against society ahead! I believe we may be doing our children a disserv

I came home from my run yesterday with a heavy heart. I had just stopped and visited with a couple that has received some devastating news and I hurt for them and their family. What the future holds for them is as unclear as the gray murky skies I now view from my chair. The safety and security they once held as a couple growing old together has been shattered and their daily routines have come to an abrupt halt. Ministry has caused a great amount of contemplation to almost everything I do now. On this day, that sense of contemplation was heightened. As I was stretching outside I glanced around the scenery before me. Most of what I saw was barren farm land. As far as my eye could see there were fields a half mile in length of nothing but tilled up ground or mowed down corn stalks. Field after field after field after field. Depressing brown ugliness which aided my mood of grief and sadness. As I finished my visual sweep of the land I turned my face into the beams of the sun. Its

Silence Like music to my ears echoing through the walls Peace Filling every corner of my soul Window Revealing the climate of the moment God Filling me with His love, patience, mercy and grace Facebook Distracting me with witty posts and responses Priorities Out of whack occasionally House Pigsty at best Mornings Starting the day with a smile and song Yes, that's my pathetic attempt at poetry. I'm sure there is some type of form I'm supposed to follow, but I've read plenty of poetry that follows zilch for form so, here ya go. In fact, allow me to go off topic for a moment. When I was in college we had the distinct honor of meeting a poet. I'll refrain from giving too much information about the man, because I wouldn't want to offend anyone. My literature professor was so pumped with excitement to have this man come to campus. He came from another area of the US and was here specifically for us, this poetry class. He was also doing some readings

Do you ever do something to embarrass yourself? I do, often. Most of the time it is something I have said that makes me wince with pain and want to crawl into a hole and hide until no one (especially me) remembers what I said. It's one thing to say or do something around one or two people or even around a small group, but to embarrass oneself in public takes a special kind of talent. I have that talent. The last 3 weeks have been hard on our family and this doesn't exclude our children. By evening of  the Saturday after Thanksgiving we were all ready to be home. Our littles weren't sleeping anywhere near enough and the fatigue was obvious on all of our faces. By Sunday after church, Caleb had turned into a child I had never seen before, Curt and I were bickering over the dumbest things and I am pretty sure our oldest two were doing everything they could to blend into the back seats and not be seen. Did I mention Caleb's head was spinning (shout out to the Exor

The tornado changed everything. Not only did it change the lives of the people living in Washington, but it changed us, living 120 miles away, forever. No longer can I look at certain landmarks and bask in the memories, it is those memories I must use to remember the landmarks. When going "home" I can no longer run into a familiar face and casually ask, "How are you?" Many of those faces have faced dangers I have only seen on tv and survived. They are piecing back together the broken remains of their homes, belongings and lives. When I think about being thankful, it is the people I have encountered along the way that remind me of what is truly important and what I should be thankful for each and every day of my life. Here is a short list of the things I would have blogged about, had the tornado not disrupted life: #1 Memories- I don't believe we should live in the past, but memories are something I can look back on and reflect on. Some memories aren't

Sunday, November 17th, I sat down about 7:00 am in my favorite chair with a laptop in my lap, a Spark in my hand and my brain full of what I would type for what I was thankful for. I had been wanting to talk about how much I love mornings. It is my quiet time and I love getting to read my Bible and morning devotion and just meditate and talk with God. But, as I sat with every intention of typing that out, I didn't. Instead I decided to go ahead and read my Bible, Sunday School lesson and devotion and type my blog later. After all, it was a Sunday, which means naps for everyone so I would get a bonus quiet time. Not this Sunday. Church ended about the same time as always and today we were having a "baby" shower for a couple that is adopting a beautiful 2 year old from China. Excitement is high at our church because this journey they have been on is coming to a dramatic end as they prepare to travel next month to pick up their daughter. We had a great time until Caleb

I should probably be thankful for the backspace and delete buttons.  I sometimes wish life had a backspace and delete button. Of course, should we backspace and delete sections of our lives we would not have those growing and learning experiences. I've had LOTS of opportunity for growth, so much so that you'd think I would be perfect by now. <sigh> I had to learn to be thankful for those opportunities to grow and learn; to make mistakes and change. I had to learn to be thankful for afflictions, trials and adversities. My life has been full of tribulation, as most know my story, but then again, whose life hasn't? And not only that, but we also rejoice in our afflictions, because we know that affliction produces endurance, endurance produces proven character, and proven character produces hope. This hope will not disappoint us , because God’s love has been poured out in our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us. Romans 5: 3-5 HCSB

Part 2 If my home church had stopped teaching me when I was done with college, I would have been in trouble. I had just enough knowledge to have no knowledge while thinking I had tons of knowledge. Bad place to be and sadly, that is where many of our young adults are left. Today, I am thankful for those deacons and Sunday School teachers that invested in me as an adult. DABC had a very active deacon ministry. I know this because I was often one being ministered to. I always knew who my deacon was because this man would come visit me. Sometimes he and his wife would have us into their home for dinners in order to know us better. When the deacon's flock changed, I would receive a letter, phone call or visit letting me know who my new deacon was and the new deacon wouldn't skip a beat. He was there to help me through life. He knew my spiritual climate and he knew me. He would be at the hospital when family members were having surgery and he was always a phone call away t

Everyone has a story to tell. Everyone has a history. Everyone has a lesson to be learned and something to teach. I have been very blessed with people in my life that have invested in me to help make me the person I am today. I am thankful and grateful for each person. I am especially thankful for my home church. I grew up attending Dayton Avenue Baptist Church before I took my first breath. I became a member at the age of 9 when I professed Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior and my membership stayed at DABC until the day God moved my husband and I to Carlinville, Illinois. DABC is the only church I had ever known and I am so very blessed to be a product of their faithfulness to God. I have always known the love of Jesus through these people. I have been embraced in love through life's hardest times. I have been disciplined and chastised when necessary but never outside of what is good and right. I can remember being a youth and being welcomed into the homes of those leadin

Anyone ever eat something and immediately regret it? I do. Often. Yesterday I ate two of THE most delicious cupcakes ever. I ate the first quickly, the second much more slowly. It doesn't really matter how quickly one eats a cupcake, the calories are the same. So, thanks to my inability to control myself around delicious cupcakes, I ran 4 miles this morning. Some of you may wonder what the big deal is about that. I ran those 4 miles on a treadmill. Anyone that knows me knows THAT is a BIG deal. And today, I am thankful for that treadmill because this afternoon, I plan on eating another cupcake. And that treadmill, which shall be used again tonight AND tomorrow morning, will help me to eat it guilt free :-)

When I decided to write about what I am thankful for this month, THIS was the topic I was the most excited about. THIS was the first one I wanted to do. I was pumped up. I had been formulating how I would start, where I would take it and exactly how to finish. It was going to be great. And then Curt said, "Hey, I want you to talk about this on Sunday." OK...I can wait until after the 3rd and write about it then. After all, should anyone from my church read my blog I wouldn't want their coming on Sunday to be a repeat. (I don't even know if anyone does, no one has ever said a thing, hint, hint) So I  waited. The night of November 2 comes up and I am in full concentration over what I am going to say and how I am going to say it when Curt comes back from going over his sermon, and asks me to wait until next Sunday. <sigh> Seriously?! Do you not realize I have waited and waited to type this out!!! Apparently he didn't nor was he overly concerned. So I wa

According to Bing, the definition of  a veteran is: vet·er·an [ véttərən ] somebody formerly in armed forces: a former member of the armed forces experienced soldier: a long-serving member of the military who has had much active service The United States of America is a great place to live. It really is. I may disagree with the president's stand on most issues and I don't have to be afraid to say so. I won't be jailed, I may get slammed on Facebook, but that's my own stupid fault for posting about politics to begin with. I can wake up every morning and open my Bible and read without fear of someone taking it from me. I can openly walk across the parking lot and go into the building where our church family gathers for worship. No dodging of police involved. No worry of our service being interrupted. We can sing as loud as we want each and every song because we don't have to worry about the neighbor hearing and reporting us. When we want to take a vacation,

I have waited for many days to post what I am the most thankful for today, but I am so tired that it will have to wait until tomorrow. And no...I am NOT pregnant. So, in the meantime, this is what you get- I love late fall, sunny, warm Sundays. Can I get an amen?

Today I am thankful for friends. I am not the type of person that has a lot of really close friends. First, I can't give the time to many different people that is needed for close friendships. Second, well, I guess it is still number one,  I can't give the time that close friendships require. It isn't that I am a hard person to know. I am pretty transparent. I have many, many flaws. I have a big heart for people. I have compassion. I hope that I give mercy and grace. I have been blessed to have people in my life that were much better friends to me than I ever was to them. One of the best friends I have ever had, and still have, is a beautiful woman I met while teaching. We worked together in a 4 room school house. It was great. The small building allowed a friendship to grow and blossom into the closeness I have with her today. On any given day we can talk and know each other's moods immediately. We can lift each other up and encourage without many words. For me

I am thankful for the comforts in life. For electricity that rarely goes out. For light bulbs burning brightly. For furnaces that require minimal action on my part to work. For automobiles that run and can get me all over the great state of Illinois at a moment's notice. Toilets that flush and do what they are made to do. For soft toilet paper (this was an eye opener for me in Prague, Vienna & Hradec Kralove). For cleaning products that do their job. For vacuum cleaners.  For refrigerators, microwave ovens, freezers, dishwashers, toasters, washers, driers, stoves, ovens, coffee makers, curling irons and hair driers. I am thankful for water heaters and water softeners. I am thankful for an insulated home with a roof that doesn't leak. I am thankful for soft mattresses, warm blankets, cushioned floors, matching dishes, pots that don't allow food to stick, tables and chairs without splinters and doors that seal closed. Water that is clean, clear and good to dri

"Listen, Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is One. Love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength. These words that I am giving you today are to be in your heart. Repeat them to your children. Talk about them when you sit in your house and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Bind them as a sign on your hand and let them be a symbol on your forehead. Write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates..... Fear Yahweh your God, worship Him, and take your oaths in His name. do not follow other gods, the gods of the peoples around you, for the LORD your God, who is among you, is a jealous God..." Deuteronomy 6:4-9,13-15a   HCSB That passage of scripture did a mighty work in my life. I am not a Bible scholar. I am not a theologian. I have never had any formal schooling in Biblical studies, BUT I do know when God is speaking to me about an area in my life that needs changed. And that section of

I have a snuggler beside me. She didn't want to get off my lap so I could type, but I managed to get her to agree to sit beside me. This is a victory for me. Kind of. Because now, my lap feels very empty. Day #5 & #6 I am lumping together in thankfulness. It was something I didn't see coming and now that I have it I am in awe by God's goodness and love. I am very thankful for my last two children, Isabel and Caleb. They weren't expected, they weren't planned but they filled a giant void in our family. Back in 2008 I was seriously overweight (along with 1998, 1999, 2000, 2001....well you get the picture). I had given up hope of having any more children. After all, my youngest was almost 6 and that's a whole lot of time between kids. So, I went to my doctor to get my Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome under control so that I could begin my weight loss journey. The medication I needed for that prevented me from having children as long as I took it so I knew at t

Sometimes being thankful doesn't have to be super deep. It doesn't have to have a lot of explanation. It doesn't have to have a lot of thought. Being thankful is a state of mind and a part of who you are. So being thankful for little things should just be part of it. Yesterday I was thankful for Tylenol and that thankfulness has overflowed into this morning. My body hurts. It's a good hurt from exercise, but my oh my, it hurts. And I have a migraine. Tylenol is currently my best friend. Which brings me to two ladies that I greatly admire and respect, Diana Barrick and Leann Barr. Both have played a role in my current desire to get into shape and run. Both have been influential to me as a runner and on a personal level in different ways. Diana has been voted my unofficial coach. I was the only one that voted and she didn't know she was a candidate until it was too late to back out, so it wasn't really a fair race, but she did the job without complaint (at

I had every intention of saving this one for near the end. Then I came home from being away for 2 days. And discovered....................He cleaned. It would appear one way to my heart is a man with a bottle of 409 in his hand. Today, I am very thankful for my husband, Curtis Robert.  (normally I only use those two names together when I disapprove of something he has said or done. Today it is with love) I have had the distinct honor of being in the front row seat at God's amazing transformation of a life. I have watched as an "old self" has died and a new creation in Christ was born. It has been one of the most beautiful things to behold. I've given birth to 4 children and yet, the rebirth of Curtis Robert Ebert still holds more amazement and wonder to me than any of those. For those that have only known the "new" Curt, you missed out on seeing God's grace, love, forgiveness and mercy in action. I never should have been dating him. I knew it

Being grateful is becoming an extinct emotion. It is endangered. I believe this with all my heart. Especially here in America, the land of the free and the home of the brave, we are much better at complaining than being thankful and grateful. This month I am dedicating my Facebook posts, this blog and hopefully my every day walk to thankfulness. My hope and prayer is that when this month is over, I will be so in tune with the things in my life that are blessings that I will no longer think of the negative, but overflow with contentment, peace and love. That being said, it is often hard to be thankful when negative thoughts are nagging at the back of one's mind. I want to attack those right away so that I will be able to focus on the important things in my life that I am so very thankful for. Today, I am thankful for the people in my life that are encouraging. For those that seek for me to be a better person. For those that lift me up, help me to see myself the way God does, and

Recently I had a slight health scare. As I went about my morning routine, I felt a pop in my head, the room began spinning and my heart decided to beat a whole lot slower than normal. It was by far one of the scariest moments I have had. In those moments I was pretty sure I was going to die. But that isn't the point to this entry :-) I was rushed to the hospital and put under a bunch of tests within moments of arrival. Hospitals do not like 40 year olds that have a slow heart rate or low blood pressure. I couldn't stop getting sick long enough to answer many questions and thankfully, God has seen fit to give me a man as my husband that is not afraid to talk. As time ticked away and each test came back looking splendid, the doctors started asking more and more questions. I could tell they were really disappointed I had not done any recreational drugs; If I  had, all their worries could be over. After each question was answered in a way that would not help the doctor figure o