It is Not OK
I am 41 years old. In those 41 years I have hurt many people and I have been hurt by many people. I have done some awfully stupid things and I have had some awfully stupid things done to me. We're human, it's going to happen. Learning how to handle those situations as they happen is a very tricky situation.
We teach children from a very early age to go to the person they have wronged and tell them, "I'm sorry". Whether the offending child is actually sorry for what they have done is of no consequence in most situations, it is the learning process of making a wrong right that is being taught.
Generally, the child that has been offended is then taught to say, "It's ok". Now, whether or not what has actually been done to this child is ok or not, we teach them to say those words because it is the learning process of forgiving that is being taught.
Caution: Thinking that goes against society ahead!
I believe we may be doing our children a disservice by teaching this pattern and here is why: Being sorry for what has happened isn't an apology and sometimes, what has happened isn't ok. In fact, rarely can I think of a time that it is ok.
Apologies are hard to give and they are hard to accept. They are hard to give because first it takes admitting you have done something wrong. Then, you have to admit to the person you have wronged that you did something wrong (which involves humbling ourselves-ouch) and you must word it in a way that doesn't continue the offense. In some cases, that is a ton of pressure. It is very easy to take a situation and make it worse with an ill-formed apology.
And why aren't we teaching our children to apologize? I think it is because very few of us know how to give an apology. How can we teach something that is completely foreign to us?
And accepting an apology? We say, "It's ok".
Ask my children or any student I have ever taught, the words "it's ok" are not o. k., because usually, it is not ok. You've been hurt, misled or used and those things are not ok. The offended party usually bears some type of scar from the event that has occurred and that is not ok.
Until recently the words "it's ok" only bothered me on the level of the offended. But not too long ago I got a taste of what it is like to be on the receiving end of an "it's ok" statement and I realized how important it is for the person that has come with an apology to hear the words, "I forgive you".
Those words have healing powers.
We need to teach our children and each other to say what is real and true. If you are sorry for something, that is fine and dandy, but are you reaching out with an apology from your heart with an understanding of what has occurred was wrong?
If you've been reached out to, can you give the words of healing others may need to hear? If you can't say, "I forgive you", then hopefully the words "I will try to forgive you" or "I will work on forgiving you" could apply.
There are so many things I'd like to rant about at the end of this blog. I'd love to go on a bit about how important verbal communication is and how we have to live outside of ourselves, thinking of others more than we think about me, me, me, me, me, me, me. BUT, I'll stop there. Because when farm machinery comes down your road in the dead of the night and you can't go back to sleep because your thoughts won't shut off, it is probably not a good idea to publish everything you are thinking at that moment.
Especially about farmers tilling up their fields at 2 am ;-) lol.....Just kidding, Dad.
Kind of....
;-)
We teach children from a very early age to go to the person they have wronged and tell them, "I'm sorry". Whether the offending child is actually sorry for what they have done is of no consequence in most situations, it is the learning process of making a wrong right that is being taught.
Generally, the child that has been offended is then taught to say, "It's ok". Now, whether or not what has actually been done to this child is ok or not, we teach them to say those words because it is the learning process of forgiving that is being taught.
Caution: Thinking that goes against society ahead!
I believe we may be doing our children a disservice by teaching this pattern and here is why: Being sorry for what has happened isn't an apology and sometimes, what has happened isn't ok. In fact, rarely can I think of a time that it is ok.
Apologies are hard to give and they are hard to accept. They are hard to give because first it takes admitting you have done something wrong. Then, you have to admit to the person you have wronged that you did something wrong (which involves humbling ourselves-ouch) and you must word it in a way that doesn't continue the offense. In some cases, that is a ton of pressure. It is very easy to take a situation and make it worse with an ill-formed apology.
And why aren't we teaching our children to apologize? I think it is because very few of us know how to give an apology. How can we teach something that is completely foreign to us?
And accepting an apology? We say, "It's ok".
Ask my children or any student I have ever taught, the words "it's ok" are not o. k., because usually, it is not ok. You've been hurt, misled or used and those things are not ok. The offended party usually bears some type of scar from the event that has occurred and that is not ok.
Until recently the words "it's ok" only bothered me on the level of the offended. But not too long ago I got a taste of what it is like to be on the receiving end of an "it's ok" statement and I realized how important it is for the person that has come with an apology to hear the words, "I forgive you".
Those words have healing powers.
We need to teach our children and each other to say what is real and true. If you are sorry for something, that is fine and dandy, but are you reaching out with an apology from your heart with an understanding of what has occurred was wrong?
If you've been reached out to, can you give the words of healing others may need to hear? If you can't say, "I forgive you", then hopefully the words "I will try to forgive you" or "I will work on forgiving you" could apply.
There are so many things I'd like to rant about at the end of this blog. I'd love to go on a bit about how important verbal communication is and how we have to live outside of ourselves, thinking of others more than we think about me, me, me, me, me, me, me. BUT, I'll stop there. Because when farm machinery comes down your road in the dead of the night and you can't go back to sleep because your thoughts won't shut off, it is probably not a good idea to publish everything you are thinking at that moment.
Especially about farmers tilling up their fields at 2 am ;-) lol.....Just kidding, Dad.
Kind of....
;-)
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