Teresa's Ponderings

I have such a heavy heart this morning. It is heavy because of my own failings, sin and disobedience. It is heavy because this day, today, I know where I have given in to society, world thoughts, fears, and shame. I know that in trying to love, I have held back true love. I realize that by only "walking the walk" I have, in all actuality, done nothing. Recently we have had several people from our past die. A couple have been celebrations of life. Too many have been awakenings to my closed mouth and ridiculous fear. The celebrations have come from knowing that the person who died, beyond any doubt, were believers in Christ. They were not just believers, they were followers. They had made the decision to make Christ the Lord of their life. They were disciples. They knew whom they loved and they walked the path laid before them. They had died to the person they once were and had become a completely new creation because of Jesus. Gone were the old ways of doing things

The last 6 hours have been mentally exhausting. There's a part of me that would like to leave it at that, but then you would miss out on the story and the lesson I learned.  We have been letting Caleb sleep in bed with us the last few weeks because of the night terrors and nightmares he has been having. It has been easier for me to take care of him and it is reassuring for him to have mom and dad so close. In fact, the last week has been great. He is starting to act like his old self (happy, laughing, loving, kind) and sleeping through the night. It has been such a fantastic turn around that last night, Curt and I spent time in prayer praising God for this "recovery" and praying over Caleb for more "healing." I got into bed knowing my children were all safe and where they needed to be, even if Emily was a world away in Uganda. I prayed she would get the sleep she needed to start her first full day in Africa and I fell asleep almost instantly, as I oft