Mid-week update

 I was going to post this yesterday, but didn't stop working long enough to type it out. 

A couple thoughts that I may have shared before, but it still applies.

I struggle when someone says I'm looking "good." I understand the heart behind it, but mentally it's hard. I see my reflection and I know how far I have to go. I see my reflection and I know how big I am. I see my reflection and I'm reminded that I allowed myself to regain 60 pounds that I had worked so hard to get rid of back in 2013. I'm disgusted when I see my reflection, so when someone says, "You're looking good." it really means I'm looking a ton better than I was, because I've only lost 16ish pounds. In the scheme of things, I haven't lost much.

Obviously, people can't say, "Boy, Teresa, you're sure looking better." That would be insulting, but it's true. 

Before I go any further, I want it to be known that I am NOT offended when people say, "You're looking good." Again, I know the heart and encouragement behind their words, but it does make me think, what could be said? 

"I can tell you're working hard."

"I can see you've lost some weight." 

Otherwise, I'm not really sure. I'm still ok with "You're looking good" but I will always mentally change it to, "You're looking better."

That's where my thoughts have been this week. 

Also, I won a HUGE victory. It was Isabel's birthday and I was going to allow myself a piece of her ice cream cake. I had the knife in hand, bowls counted out even, and I was short one bowl. I argued with myself about whether to get another bowl out for me. I went back and forth. I felt strong and knew it wouldn't set me back, but did I really need it?

I chose to cut an apple instead. I served everyone, sat with my apple, and ended up not even eating that. 

Victory. 

Picture: a beautiful evening one night this week. ❤️