November 4- Such a battle

 "As a dog returns to his vomit, so a fool repeats his folly." Proverbs 26:11

This is me. Over and over. 2 Peter tells us that we are enslaved to whatever defeats us. I'm a slave to food. I don't know why I can't overcome this. What is it within my own heart that stops me from complete surrender? 

Part of it is a feeling that I don't deserve to be healthy, active, and in shape. I have this absolutely sickening sense of, "You are nothing. You deserve nothing. You should remain nothing." I'm well aware of how unhealthy this way of thinking is. I KNOW it is a lie, but I wallow in it, hating myself more and more. 

I'm hoping today will be the last day of confessions. Truthfully, I feel like I have one more day of needing to confess before I turn the corner and begin the long road of allowing God to work in me, because that's what is needed. I have to allow God to work. I have to surrender. I have to make the choice; daily, hourly and even minute by minute to choose God over my desires. 

Anyone that tells you that's an easy choice either doesn't remember their own struggles or hasn't opened up to allow God to reveal their personal sins. 

It isn't easy, but I know it will be worth every second of the fight. 



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