November First- Day 1 of the rest of my life

 "At that time, when you call, the LORD will answer; when you cry out, he will say, 'Here I am.' Isaiah 58:9a

As I begin typing this morning, I have a heightened sense of knowing I've been here before. Not a single thought I've had is a new one. In fact, I feel like a broken record. I can't help but feel like an addict; one whose family rolls their eyes each and every time she announces that she's ready to stop the drugs and they can't help but immediately think, "I wonder for how long this time."

But, here I am, desperate. Desperate to reclaim my life and my body. Desperate to reclaim my thoughts and actions. Desperate to like myself once more. 

I can't wait for January 1st. I only waited until a Monday because it just happened to be November 1st and I knew I needed to get through Halloween. So, today it begins. Monday, November 1st, 2021 is the beginning of a change in my focus. Over the next several days and weeks I hope to put into words what my struggles have been in an effort to humble myself before God and draw upon HIS strength. My hope is that whoever is led to read my blog will pray with and for me as I surrender.

No more excuses. No more prideful independence. No more procrastination. No more hiding. 

I'm ready to reclaim surrendered ground and find the joy I've lost since 2015, maybe even before that. 

I miss the vitality, energy, love, assurance, confidence, and peace I once had. 

I may never get back to this girl, but this woman needs to find her rock and foundation again. 



Comments

  1. Ebert97November 1, 2021 at 8:15 PM

    I've had a couple people mention they are having trouble commenting here. Is anyone else able to comment?

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

A New Beginning

Image
I haven't been to a TOPS meeting since the first week of April. Between work, parents visiting, and illness, I've had plenty of excuses to not attend. And the truth is, I haven't really cared to have the dedication to say no. To anything and everything. The resulting 7 pound weight gain isn't exactly a shock.  I knew I had gained at least 4 pounds, but I hadn't stepped on a scale in over 6 weeks. I'm just thankful the resulting gain is only 3 pounds more. So, what am I doing to get back on track? Well, I think a better question would be what were you doing to get so far off track, Teresa? 1) Too much emphasis on meals 2) Too many "cheat" moments  3) Too many high calorie, zero payback foods/drinks 4) No accountability  5) I quit caring The truth is, since my mother-in-law died, I haven't cared much for my health. I know I need to, but I truly haven't cared.  So, today is a new day. No more tracking weeks or days in a row for weight loss. Today
Read more

The Man on TV

I was watching our "leader" on TV the other day and I realized how much older he looked today compared to three years or even one year ago. I know this is a natural thing that happens with the stresses of holding this type of position, but a sad side effect nonetheless, which led me down a rabbit trail of thinking. I thought about how many people sit around their dinner table, as a family or with friends, and analyze his job performance. How his every word can be dissected and seen as good, or sadly, evil. How often we may view his actions, words, and deeds through the lens of what we perceive to be his intentions. And I thought about how impossible it would be to meet the expectations, needs, or values of every single person under his watch care.  I thought about how many of us, like armchair quarterbacks, know what he should have said or done, and "What an idiot" he is for not doing xxx. I also thought about how glad I was that it isn't me on that screen... Th
Read more

Another Year

Image
I woke up around 4 this morning unable to go back to sleep. This happens often and I usually lay there for a good hour attempting to slow my heart rate and breathing to lull my body back to sleep. But occasionally I know that it is the Holy Spirit awakening me for a reason. This morning was one of those times. As I unbundled myself from my cocoon of blankets, I made my way to the rocking recliner and spent some time in prayer.  It wasn't very long before I knew the reason I was awakened at such an early hour.  After prayer, I took time to do my morning devotions and chose a new reading plan for the upcoming year. Years ago, the pastor of our home church challenged us to read the Bible through in a year and I have done it almost every year since. There's even been a year or two that I read it through twice. This isn't a study of God's word, simply an ingesting of it; kind of like taking a daily vitamin. It is something I need on a daily basis and the days I don't can
Read more