November 2- When God got ahold of me

 "For the bread of God is the one who comes down from heaven and gives life to the world." John 6:33

First major truth: I've forgotten where my nourishment comes from. I was made to crave, but I'm not craving the One I was designed to crave. My need for junk food has risen to ridiculous proportions. My level of "I don't care" has surpassed that.

Yesterday, I pulled out my copy of Lisa Terkeurst's Made To Crave and I have decided to do her study again. It really helps me focus on relying on God to get me through the times I want to turn to food instead of Him. 

You see, there was a point not very long ago that I quit caring about my health, my focus, and definitely my weight. I quit caring how I looked to others and I quit worrying about the future. 

I no longer cared if I was around to see my kids as adults. I mean, adult kids do nothing but hurt your heart so deeply that you can't breathe, so why would I want to be around to see 4 adult children run as far away from their upbringing as they possibly could? Yeah, I know this sounds pretty negative and hopeless, but I'm still not very far away from this way of thinking. In fact, I fight daily to stay away from it. I'm living on the edge and it doesn't take much to topple over. 

So why would I want to feast on Jesus when all I want is to be done with the pain and hurt of this present world? I've done a fast slide straight into despair in less than 2 months. Pretty impressive.

Please don't think I'm on the edge of suicide. That would be a quick ending and I've obviously been looking for a long, slow, much more painful existence. I've been caring about next to nothing. My goal has been to eat myself to death while doing everything necessary for my last two babies to have a foundation for a successful life. Never mind the example I've been setting. I just shove whatever piece of garbage I'm eating into my mouth and holler at them about making wise choices. 

All the while I'm slipping further and further away mentally, emotionally, and especially physically. 

When I read the above verse a couple days ago, I was smacked across the face with how far away I've gotten from the woman God has created me to be. I've run away from the loving arms of Jesus, into lies of Satan and just wrapped myself up in them. 

What. Is. Wrong. With. ME?? 

No more. 

No more, no more, NO MORE. I miss feeling good. I miss having energy. I miss my close walk with my creator. Oh, how I've missed Him. When He called me back into His loving arms this week it was the best feeling EVER. Oh, how I missed the security I feel when I'm walking with Him. 

I desperately want to crave only the Bread of God. 





Comments

  1. KimNovember 2, 2021 at 10:26 AM

    I believe in your SO MUCH, my friend. You are a beautiful writer, in part because you are so raw and real and vulnerable. Also, you have a gift of words. I'm including you in my prayers this week, as I find myself also re-surrendering to Jesus. It's a never ending process, isn't it?

    ReplyDelete

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