Hearing God's Call

Today is the day.

I'm sure of it. I don't know why today is the day and not yesterday or six months ago, but today is the day. I haven't felt the need to do this until right now, but the urgency to get this written down is so strong that I can't do anything else until I have my every remembrance on paper. My prayer is that I can stay focused, true, and unemotional.

We've had two major questions asked of us since March 5. The first is "Why?" and the second has been "Now what?"

Neither of which do we know the answer.

We DO know how we got to this point and that's what I need to share today. How in the world did you guys end up jobless and homeless? That's easy to answer. God said.

Of course you'll want some elaboration so I will oblige.

In the summer of 2016 Curt and I spent a week in the Boundary Waters. In order to paddle the Boundary Waters, it is necessary to portage. Portaging is going from body of water to body of water via land. All your gear must be carried across land, usually on some type of trail. I had mentioned to Curt how much I enjoyed portaging because it is so similar to hiking. Trail running and hiking are two of my favorite things to do. With Curt's eyes he isn't able to trail run with me so instead we've done a little bit of hiking over the last couple of years. Nothing strenuous and definitely nothing very long. We had kicked around the idea of hiking on the Ozark Trail as a family, but had not made much progress towards actually doing so. Curt had mentioned that he didn't realize how much I enjoyed hiking and from that moment forward, he made a concerted effort to get us out hiking as often as we could. We found some local trails and purposefully camped in areas that offered hiking as an option.

As in all things, once Curt had a bug for a hobby he would research the topic and pick it apart until he had a full understanding and a large amount of knowledge on the subject. He remembered a buddy that had mentioned wanting to hike the Appalachian Trail and that as a middle schooler, Emily had mentioned wanting to thru hike the trail. We had even talked with her during her junior year about going out and hiking a section as a family as a graduation gift. 

Apparently she had outgrown that desire. 

We began watching YouTube videos of hikers vlogging their Appalachian Trail thru hikes. Curt began researching backpacking gear and by October of 2016 we had begun to accumulate lightweight sleeping bags, sleeping pads, and backpacks for almost every member of the family. We already had quite a bit of gear simply from canoe camping, but we had started to fine tune a lot of what we had for a possible family section hike of the Ozark Trail.

By Christmas the topic of hiking was beginning to become a sensitive one. Curt tends to dive head first into hobbies and become almost consumed by them. The only thing he loves more than researching and carrying out his passions is Jesus Christ. 

Curt and I were both feeling a pull towards the east coast, with neither of us knowing exactly why. My side of the family had plans to spend a week in the Gatlinburg area July of 2017 and so we began to make plans towards hiking a section of the Appalachian Trail while we were out there. 

And then one night, Curt hit me with, "I think I'm supposed to thru hike the Appalachian Trail."

Dude. 

The absolutely, what "might seem crazy to most people" part? I knew it was true. I had been having those exact same feelings, but I was nowhere near ready to admit it. As I type out these words I sit here shaking from the memory. It was January. God had been slowly removing the blinders from our eyes on a few things and I was still reeling from those truths. I was not ready for a major life change. 

One more piece of information that is pertinent here: Curt's eyesight was getting worse. It was getting almost impossible for him to do the job that was required of him at the church we had been serving. It was taking him over twice as long to prepare for a Sunday sermon as it did when he first came to the church and that didn't include the time it required to prepare for Sunday and Wednesday nights or any additional Bible study that needed to be done. He was no longer taking days off in order to get a jump on the next week and I could see it was beginning to wear on him. 

We spent a lot of time in prayer. We spent a lot of time talking to mentors and friends. We spent more time in prayer and just when we thought we had a handle on this situation, just when I didn't think I could take one more day of indecision, Curt came to me and said, "I just don't have peace with any of this. I think I'm supposed to stay. I think I'm supposed to stay right here. I'll have to talk to the deacons about making some changes to the way we do things. I just can't see well enough to do what we are doing."

And just like that it was over. We contacted two of our very best friends that had been praying earnestly with us over this decision and let them know that we were indeed staying. We made plans to get together to organize our family camping trips for the spring and summer and Curt began advertising to the church about a new upcoming Bible study we would be doing, The Insanity of Obedience. It started the next week, but he hadn't really done much preparing for it, other than buying the study and showing the movie, The Insanity of God.

And that was that. With the decision made, Curt threw himself into making plans, writing down ideas, and praying through how to talk to the deacons about what would need to be done differently for him to be able to continue pastoring. We were relaxed. We were ready to take on the challenges of ministry. We were "prayed up" and had a fresh look at everything. 

Then we did day one of our Bible study and God changed everything.

I had expected God to change lives through this study. I didn't expect it to be me. I had expected God to call someone to a short term mission trip. I didn't expect it to be me. I had expected God to change someone's view of the world to see what He sees. I didn't expect it to be me. I didn't expect it to be us. I just didn't. I never saw it coming. Curt and I have had a missional view of the world for years. We have had a heart for the lost for almost as long as we have been believers. We have been willing to "GO" at a moment's notice whenever God called.

And I didn't see this coming. Even after all we had just been through.

Most of our close friends know it was the story of Abram that God used to call us. We began our study and to avoid plagiarism, I'll give a very brief account of what happened. We read the passage in Genesis where God called Abram to pack up his family and go to a land that God would eventually tell him. The study asked a couple questions with one of them being something about, what could God be calling you to do?

My stomach dropped. I sat there thinking, "No way. No way. No WAY. God, you just gave us the go ahead to stay. No way."

And somewhere inside I knew that wasn't quite what had happened. Curt and I had been a wreck over those last few months. He had been preaching on being a disciple; what it meant and what obedience looked like. It may sound like nothing, but that's a heavy topic because, quite frankly, very few of us are actually disciples. A disciple looks like their teacher and the vast majority in the American church look nothing like Jesus. 

We don't die to ourselves.

We don't take up our cross.

We don't love our neighbor as ourselves.

We don't love God above all things.

We don't love our enemies.

We don't seek the kingdom of God first.

We don't deny ourselves.

We don't GO.

And I am the worst offender of these.

In that moment, God hammered me with my disobedience to His obvious calling. He never removed the call for us to go, I quit listening. I didn't want to hear it. I was scared. It was absolutely INSANE.

I glanced up at Curt to see if he sensed a change in me. From outward appearance he seemed unshaken, but he was praying. It's what we were supposed to be doing at that point in the study, but I was hesitant. As if my refusal to bow my head was going to stop God from continuing.

A couple tears fell as I began the second part to the study. It was the Great Commission and I could barely continue. It was as if God had placed himself in the living room, directly between us and hollered, "GO!"

I looked at Curt and all I said was, "You're supposed to go."

He looked at me and replied, "I know."

Those were the only words spoken that afternoon, until we hit our knees in prayer. I couldn't stop crying. He could barely speak. We were so humbled and shaken in that moment; the moment that God spoke to both of us through His word and the Holy Spirit.

I've had to go back to that moment many, many times. It was *the* most real encounter I have had with God since the moment I was saved and the night God told me to quit trying to be the Holy Spirit for Curt (that's an entirely different story).

We immediately started making a mental list of our worries and concerns. God shut that down right away. This was about faith. The question was, do we trust God? Do we have faith? Do we believe Him?

Over the next couple weeks each and every concern was taken care of. Where would we live? My parents stepped up and began to finish some work they had put off on their basement so that we would have our own place. How would we pay for this? One phone call from someone that believed in Curt and what God had called us to took care of that worry. How would we ever be able to live without Curt for 6 months? Multiple friends and loved ones sent money for the kids and I to be able to go out and visit him. How could we minister and show God's love to hikers? Many, many, many other people sent money, food, sports drinks, supplies, and homemade goodies so that we could set up trail magic all along the way. 

The outpouring of support was absolutely amazing. Humbling. A testament to our God. He had placed us on the hearts of so many that the overflow of love we felt was overwhelming and crushing. We were crushed by love.

I'm still amazed.

But that's only the beginning of the story. Curt completed his hike on September 26, 2017 and when we returned home there wasn't exactly a mailbox full of letters from people begging Curt to come work for them. There wasn't a billboard from God with neon lights telling us what the next step would be. In fact, there was nothing. Complete silence. 

Could we have gotten this all wrong? Is it possible that we had in fact acted out of our own fleshly desires and completely conjured up this entire thing?

Doubt and worry began to creep into my thoughts. Curt was beginning to wonder how he was going to provide for a wife and four children while he was jobless and homeless. Once those thoughts get a foothold, it is hard to shake them.

Then, in stepped God. 

I've had this massive urging that we are supposed to be patient. To relax. To heal. Sitting still is tough, but I really have tried. Curt has a few speaking engagements here and there with the majority being in Tennessee, thanks to my cousin's husband. He arranged for Curt to speak to Christian student groups at his local schools and to some men at a Christian recovery program.

It was during this time that Curt and I actually put voice to our worries. It was the first time we actually spoke about the nagging, "What if God didn't actually call us to do the trail?" As I dropped Curt off at the men's recovery group for his presentation, he was down. The weight of being without a job was heavy and he was having serious doubts about his ability to speak, do ministry, or whatever else he was qualified or not qualified to do. It was with this going through his mind that he got out of the car and went to speak to the men's recovery group about being faithful and obedient to God's call, no matter the consequences. 

He was about to speak that which he was struggling with. Tough, tough spot to be.

But you know what? My God is bigger than all our fears. He is God and in control even when we doubt. 

Curt came out from speaking and we go through the customary questions about how it went and then he says, "You'll never believe this. Each week the men have a Bible verse they quote before meals. You will never, ever believe what this week's verse is." I didn't even attempt to guess.

It was Hebrews 11:8. 

I'll save you the time of looking it up. Hebrews 11 is called the faith chapter. Verse 8 talks about Abram's faith. "By faith Abraham, when he was called, obeyed, and went out to a place he was going to receive as an inheritance. He went out, not knowing where he was going." HCSB

It was the exact same "story" that God used that Sunday afternoon 8 months earlier to call us. Of all the scripture for those men to memorize that week, God had them memorizing the section of scripture that He had used to speak to us so clearly all those months ago. 

There are no coincidences with God.

We finished out the week walking a little more sure footed. 

The drive home was another story. We were almost home after 9 days on the road. Our little people were tried. We were wiped out and we still had 40 minutes to get home. We were discussing what we were going to do for a living. How we could possibly make it. Curt was very discouraged over his eyesight and what he can't do because of it. I was trying to be encouraging. I did my best to not throw Jesus in his face because at that moment it wouldn't have been helpful. During the silence all I could do was pray. It is one thing to encourage someone when things are going well, it is entirely a different thing when the same person has a feeling of worthlessness and discouragement. I'm in deep prayer when I hear Curt begin to laugh.

Of course I'm puzzled because just moments before he was pretty contemplative and upset when he looked my way and shook his head. He asked Isabel the name of whatever it was she was watching on her DVD player. Isabel responded with Love. "It's Veggie Tales, Daddy." 

I listened to see if I could figure out what it was that had him laughing.

You'll never guess.

We had with us around 75 kids' movies. On those disks, about 15 have multiple movies on them. You know the type, mostly bought in the Walmart bargain bin. Of all the movies she could be watching at THAT very moment, she was watching the story of Abram, when God called him to pack up his family and go, to a place that would be revealed later.

There are no coincidences with God.

We have no idea what God has planned, but we will be waiting.

Please, pray for and with us while we are waiting.

Oh.. and the other movies on that Veggie Tale disk? They were about patience. Veggie Tales is now banned in our family. :-)