TOPS Week 27

 I almost didn't go to my meeting today. Then, I almost didn't weigh. I knew I had gained, I did next to nothing to try and temper that. I've been in a slump the last couple weeks. Not entirely sure why, but it's been tough to come out of it. 

I gained .4. Not much, but when added to the last couple weeks it's a trend I need to reverse. I've eaten whatever I want, whenever I want it and I have generally had 2 or 3 helpings of whatever that may be. Bad, bad, BAD.

I have continued hiking some, but I haven't walked or biked. This morning I dusted off my bike and rode it to my meeting. There's step #1. 

I went for a short hike with a new friend this week. I just did the Dry Lake Trail, so nothing too strenuous. She took this picture:


My knee is giving me some fits. When I have it bent for a period of time it hurts like crazy to straighten it. I haven't run on it. I'm afraid to. I'm pretty sure the half marathon is out. I knew I wouldn't be able to run the whole thing, but I thought I'd be able to run/walk it. Now I'm not so sure I can even do that. I think that's part of my depression, but I was down before that even entered the equation.

I feel like I need to qualify, for those who don't know me as well, this is my forum for releasing my feelings and emotions. I put on paper what is in my brain in order to keep it from consuming who I am. Being able to say, "I'm depressed" is part of my recovery from that state of emotion. I don't need an intervention or for people to call/text (unless you just want to). What I do here is healthy. It gives me a space where I can say what I think without guilt or having to guard myself. In highschool, my dad was in a horrific car accident and I kept all emotions, thoughts, and feelings bottled. My body reacted by developing psoriasis. As I have grown older, I came to realize that if I can put all of this on paper then it no longer consumes me and I can let it go. I desperately need this release, so please don't feel like I'm in a bad place or have unhealthy thoughts/ideas. This is where I'm honest and we all need that. ❤️

I just allow you a glimpse of what is happening in my head, most people don't. 😘

Comments

  1. AnonymousSeptember 8, 2022 at 11:02 AM

    Try -Try here: I also share my vulnerabilities with safe friends and my journal. I started a blog many years ago, maybe I’ll dust it off. Dunno. Anyway, being self aware is most of the battle I think….maybe? You are in tune with your body, mind and spirit which is more than most can say. Love you!

    ReplyDelete
  2. AnonymousSeptember 8, 2022 at 1:13 PM

    "Whispering softly" menopause

    ReplyDelete
  3. AnonymousSeptember 12, 2022 at 7:29 AM

    Just read all your TOPS posts, from beginning to current. Thank you for sharing your journey with us. I love how raw and real you are. Your words are encouraging to others as so many of us women deal with many of these same issues. Thank you. Rooting for you! ♥️

    ReplyDelete

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