HE is Faithful
Today was not a good day. It was good for awhile, then not. Then good, then not. You get the picture. The events of today left me feeling defeated. It's an emotion I have had the displeasure of having with me often, especially recently.
The "role" I now "play" often leads me to feelings of inadequacy, solitude, and sadness. I often feel overburdened, overworked, under appreciated and used. These emotions aren't limited to me, I know many other people could say the same, but it doesn't stop those feelings from being there.
Today didn't help.
It's Monday. And Mondays are the day most ministers quit...did you know that? I don't know if there is an official percentage but it's what I've always heard. I think it could be true. Who knows? Let's just pretend it is.
I'm not sure why that's the day so many throw in the towel, but for us I know what makes it a day to dread. It's the day that we let our guard down against Satan.
And he hits us. Not always, not often, but he has this amazing ability to nail us on Mondays when we think things are going well.
I won't give details as to what all happened today, but what you will need to know is there was a straw. There was a straw that broke this camel's back and it hurt.
And I cried.
All I could think is, "When will this roller coaster end?! I can't take any more. Nothing I do matters, so why am I bothering? Why, God. WHY?"
Had you heard the conversation going on inside my head you'd think I was nuts. Maybe you already do... It went a little like this:
"No one notices anything I do. That's not why I do it. I do it for you, GOD, because YOU called me to this. I want to honor You. But WHY is this happening ALL THE TIME??"
Over and over and over again.
Did I mention I was driving?
I'm crying, talking to God, crying some more, and driving. Probably not the best combination.
The song on the radio was Faithful by Hawk Nelson. It isn't one of my favorites. I don't know why. Nothing against it but it just isn't on my top 100 songs' list. The chorus at this moment however, is ringing through my ears. "You are faithful, faithful. You are faithful, faithful." Almost every word of this song, that I normally just blow off, is screaming truth in my head.
And I NEED to believe this is true. I KNOW it is, but I need to feel it. I need to be surrounded in this truth that GOD is faithful even when I am not. HE is faithful when people are not. HE. IS. FAITHFUL. He is. I know it. I believe it and in that moment listening to the radio, I sang that song for the first time actually understanding just how faithful our God is. I talked to Him in a different way starting that very second. I thanked God for being so loving and faithful. For being my shelter in the storm.
And do you know what God did? He reaffirmed just how faithful He is and just how much He loves me.
I looked out my window and to the east, there amongst just a couple fluffy white clouds, stood a rainbow. We've had zero rain. The clouds didn't even look like they held any precipitation, but there was a rainbow; a reminder of just how faithful our God is.
I believe with all that I am, that Faithful was on the radio right then and that He put that rainbow in the sky at that moment for me. Just for me. As a reminder that He loves me, He heard me, and He has a plan for me.
I just have to trust Him.
Because He IS faithful. My GOD is faithful.
And anyone reading this that might think they were the straw....you were not. You are loved!
Oh...and those worried about me crying while driving, I pulled over when I saw the rainbow. I had no choice. Sobbing while driving with my hands in the air in praise is a really bad combination.
The "role" I now "play" often leads me to feelings of inadequacy, solitude, and sadness. I often feel overburdened, overworked, under appreciated and used. These emotions aren't limited to me, I know many other people could say the same, but it doesn't stop those feelings from being there.
Today didn't help.
It's Monday. And Mondays are the day most ministers quit...did you know that? I don't know if there is an official percentage but it's what I've always heard. I think it could be true. Who knows? Let's just pretend it is.
I'm not sure why that's the day so many throw in the towel, but for us I know what makes it a day to dread. It's the day that we let our guard down against Satan.
And he hits us. Not always, not often, but he has this amazing ability to nail us on Mondays when we think things are going well.
I won't give details as to what all happened today, but what you will need to know is there was a straw. There was a straw that broke this camel's back and it hurt.
And I cried.
All I could think is, "When will this roller coaster end?! I can't take any more. Nothing I do matters, so why am I bothering? Why, God. WHY?"
Had you heard the conversation going on inside my head you'd think I was nuts. Maybe you already do... It went a little like this:
"No one notices anything I do. That's not why I do it. I do it for you, GOD, because YOU called me to this. I want to honor You. But WHY is this happening ALL THE TIME??"
Over and over and over again.
Did I mention I was driving?
I'm crying, talking to God, crying some more, and driving. Probably not the best combination.
The song on the radio was Faithful by Hawk Nelson. It isn't one of my favorites. I don't know why. Nothing against it but it just isn't on my top 100 songs' list. The chorus at this moment however, is ringing through my ears. "You are faithful, faithful. You are faithful, faithful." Almost every word of this song, that I normally just blow off, is screaming truth in my head.
And I NEED to believe this is true. I KNOW it is, but I need to feel it. I need to be surrounded in this truth that GOD is faithful even when I am not. HE is faithful when people are not. HE. IS. FAITHFUL. He is. I know it. I believe it and in that moment listening to the radio, I sang that song for the first time actually understanding just how faithful our God is. I talked to Him in a different way starting that very second. I thanked God for being so loving and faithful. For being my shelter in the storm.
And do you know what God did? He reaffirmed just how faithful He is and just how much He loves me.
I looked out my window and to the east, there amongst just a couple fluffy white clouds, stood a rainbow. We've had zero rain. The clouds didn't even look like they held any precipitation, but there was a rainbow; a reminder of just how faithful our God is.
I believe with all that I am, that Faithful was on the radio right then and that He put that rainbow in the sky at that moment for me. Just for me. As a reminder that He loves me, He heard me, and He has a plan for me.
I just have to trust Him.
Because He IS faithful. My GOD is faithful.
And anyone reading this that might think they were the straw....you were not. You are loved!
Oh...and those worried about me crying while driving, I pulled over when I saw the rainbow. I had no choice. Sobbing while driving with my hands in the air in praise is a really bad combination.
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