What I Wish I Could Tell My 20 Something Year Old Self
As Curt and I are on this weight loss journey, we have taken many moments to look back on our life together. We have reminisced about the many times we have started, and subsequently stopped, losing weight, and the "reasons" behind doing so. It has made me ponder about the way things have turned out for us and "from whence" we came. I believe learning from the past is essential to growth but there are some things I would love to go back and tell my 20 something self and avoid having to fix those things now.
Develop Exercise Habits
Seriously. Why oh why didn't I do this when I was actually in shape and healthy? There is probably a small part of me that knew I could get out of shape and gain weight, but I didn't take that seriously. At no other time in my life have I actually had the time to develop good habits of exercise, and how did I choose to spend it? Watching TV and hanging out in various places on my rear end. And while I sat on said rear end, it expanded. What did all those hours of watching TV get me? A piece of pie in Trivial Pursuit.
Study and Get the A's
My mom made this agreement with me that if I could get straight As the last 2 years of college, she would buy me a brand new, Chevrolet, fully loaded, truck. Enough said about that.
Getting Married Isn't the End Goal of Adolescence
It really isn't, but I thought it was. If only I could get married, THEN I would know I was an adult. So very wrong. I had no clue what it meant to be an adult. I knew nothing about saving money, budgeting, clipping coupons, earning a living, paying bills, credit reports or responsibility. I may have given the appearance of those things, but I was playacting. I so wish I had developed these skills before marriage because when two kids get married, they will both play. A grown up will need to be standing by to make sure they don't get hurt.
Register for the Good Knives
This was a point of contention between Curt and I when we were registering for gifts. He thought it was ridiculous to have someone buy us expensive knives and I reasoned that they will only buy it if they want to spend that kind of money and getting the better knives would serve us well. <sigh> We registered for the cheap knives and 17 years later what do we have? A partial set of battered and cheap knives that we can't afford to replace.
Don't Let Your Friends Down
Another big sigh here. I made some poor choices in my 20s. I allowed others to push me into decisions that hurt others. I lost friendships that I truly valued. Whether or not those friendships would have lasted through the years I will never know because I didn't do what I knew to be right. I hurt friends that I hope have forgiven me, but I may never really know. At this point I want to say to Stefanie, I so wish I had told my parents and Curt that I could not go with them to that tractor pull. Being available for you was much more important and that decision is one that I have regretted for years. Please forgive me.
Enjoy the Little People God has Given You
I was so worried about being the perfect mother, the perfect disciplinarian, the perfect teacher, the perfect example that I missed out on just having fun with Emily when she was little. Oh how I wish I could go back and mentally record her laughter, her smiles, her questions and her personality. I missed it being so worried about what others thought of me as a parent. Oh, how foolish I was.
Make God a Priority
This is one I still need to work on, but I can't help feeling that if I had learned this then, today it wouldn't be quite so hard. I worried more about what others thought of me than how I was affecting my relationship with God. I was more concerned about doing what other people wanted than I was about offending the One True God of all things. I never worried about saying no to Him. I never worried about doing things I knew were offensive to Him (well, this isn't completely true, it bothered me, I knew better, and I did it anyway). I brushed off those nagging feelings of "You know this to be wrong" and plowed straight ahead. Today, I still struggle with feelings of guilt and disappointment because of the decisions I made to do my own thing in my 20s. I know these feelings are not of God. I have been forgiven. I have repented but they are still feelings that I struggle to remove from my thoughts.
Oh, if I could only go back. If I could go back and be and do and know, how different I may be today.
Instead, each situation has made me into the woman I am today. It has made me stronger in some aspects, sensitive in others and downright stubborn in a few. I praise God for second chances and I praise Him for letting us learn and change.
And now, if only one 20 something (or younger) reads this and makes even one change in their own life because of it, laying naked my inner thoughts and failings on this blog will be worth it.
Develop Exercise Habits
Seriously. Why oh why didn't I do this when I was actually in shape and healthy? There is probably a small part of me that knew I could get out of shape and gain weight, but I didn't take that seriously. At no other time in my life have I actually had the time to develop good habits of exercise, and how did I choose to spend it? Watching TV and hanging out in various places on my rear end. And while I sat on said rear end, it expanded. What did all those hours of watching TV get me? A piece of pie in Trivial Pursuit.
Study and Get the A's
My mom made this agreement with me that if I could get straight As the last 2 years of college, she would buy me a brand new, Chevrolet, fully loaded, truck. Enough said about that.
Getting Married Isn't the End Goal of Adolescence
It really isn't, but I thought it was. If only I could get married, THEN I would know I was an adult. So very wrong. I had no clue what it meant to be an adult. I knew nothing about saving money, budgeting, clipping coupons, earning a living, paying bills, credit reports or responsibility. I may have given the appearance of those things, but I was playacting. I so wish I had developed these skills before marriage because when two kids get married, they will both play. A grown up will need to be standing by to make sure they don't get hurt.
Register for the Good Knives
This was a point of contention between Curt and I when we were registering for gifts. He thought it was ridiculous to have someone buy us expensive knives and I reasoned that they will only buy it if they want to spend that kind of money and getting the better knives would serve us well. <sigh> We registered for the cheap knives and 17 years later what do we have? A partial set of battered and cheap knives that we can't afford to replace.
Don't Let Your Friends Down
Another big sigh here. I made some poor choices in my 20s. I allowed others to push me into decisions that hurt others. I lost friendships that I truly valued. Whether or not those friendships would have lasted through the years I will never know because I didn't do what I knew to be right. I hurt friends that I hope have forgiven me, but I may never really know. At this point I want to say to Stefanie, I so wish I had told my parents and Curt that I could not go with them to that tractor pull. Being available for you was much more important and that decision is one that I have regretted for years. Please forgive me.
Enjoy the Little People God has Given You
I was so worried about being the perfect mother, the perfect disciplinarian, the perfect teacher, the perfect example that I missed out on just having fun with Emily when she was little. Oh how I wish I could go back and mentally record her laughter, her smiles, her questions and her personality. I missed it being so worried about what others thought of me as a parent. Oh, how foolish I was.
Make God a Priority
This is one I still need to work on, but I can't help feeling that if I had learned this then, today it wouldn't be quite so hard. I worried more about what others thought of me than how I was affecting my relationship with God. I was more concerned about doing what other people wanted than I was about offending the One True God of all things. I never worried about saying no to Him. I never worried about doing things I knew were offensive to Him (well, this isn't completely true, it bothered me, I knew better, and I did it anyway). I brushed off those nagging feelings of "You know this to be wrong" and plowed straight ahead. Today, I still struggle with feelings of guilt and disappointment because of the decisions I made to do my own thing in my 20s. I know these feelings are not of God. I have been forgiven. I have repented but they are still feelings that I struggle to remove from my thoughts.
Oh, if I could only go back. If I could go back and be and do and know, how different I may be today.
Instead, each situation has made me into the woman I am today. It has made me stronger in some aspects, sensitive in others and downright stubborn in a few. I praise God for second chances and I praise Him for letting us learn and change.
And now, if only one 20 something (or younger) reads this and makes even one change in their own life because of it, laying naked my inner thoughts and failings on this blog will be worth it.
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