Life Changes

It's been a tough couple weeks. My main reason for writing this blog is so that I have a record of the events that occurred before memories start to fade more than they already have. Days blur together so quickly. 

Sunday, November 13th we received a phone call from Curt's mom, Sherry, that she had fallen and had been at the emergency room since morning. She was being admitted into a room because she had spiral broken her femur and surgery would be the next day. It would be pretty extensive because she had a knee and hip replacement the doctor would have to work around. 

Curt and I decided to stay in Ely and go down to Illinois when her rehabilitation was occuring because we could be more help then, rather than the time she would be in the hospital. The surgery was a success and everyone moved their thoughts towards what rehab would look like and possible house alterations for a wheelchair or whatever else might be needed. 

But her healing wasn't going according to plan. Her pain was intense and her abdomen area was swelling. An emergency exploratory surgery revealed an ulcer that had ruptured and was leaking everything into her abdomen. 

Surgery happened immediately. The bad material from her stomach and intestine was removed, the fluid was flushed out, and an antibiotic for the infection was started. She was moved to ICU to watch for sepsis over the next 72 hours. 

Curt and I made all the arrangements we needed to get down to Illinois. We arrived Saturday afternoon and beat feet to the hospital. 

From all accounts it looked like her healing was going according to plan. She was on a temporary breathing machine so her lungs could just relax and allow her body to heal. Her kidneys had taken a hit from the infection and her lungs were working overtime to help the kidneys.

As her kidneys began showing the numbers they needed to show, they took her off the machine and everything was working well. As she came out of the sedation, her pain was intense. She was completely coherent, but desperately wanted the pain controlled. 

We were looking forward to being able to give her some food. As soon as a CT scan was preformed to see that the stomach/intestine was no longer leaking we would be able to get a new plan in place for healing and rehab. Her pain was still incredibly high, when asked on a scale of 1-10 she said it was a billion, and getting that controlled was tough.

There were many hours spent in the waiting room. Only 2 people were allowed back in her room so we took turns being with her. 

The truth is, being in the room was very hard. She was in so much pain and was very vocal about it, as anyone would be. The hospital finally gave her some medication that was strong enough to allow her to sleep between doses. We were all so relieved. It's absolutely heartbreaking to watch your loved one hurt and not be able to stop it. 

We were still waiting for the results from the scan. It came time for Curt and I to head back to my mom's, and we left never once thinking there could be worse news on the horizon.

But there was. The CT scan showed there was still leaking. The damage from the infection was too much for the type of surgery that was preformed. She would need a much more invasive and harder surgery. It would involve cutting away the rest of the damaged area and reattaching the intestine in a new place. The surgeon didn't think she was strong enough to to survive the surgery, let alone the recovery. And more importantly, Sherry didn't want to do the surgery. 

She asked us to just let her go. 

On the list of the hard things I've done, this is on there. 

Curt, his dad, his sister, her son and his wife all met with the doctor and he explained everything in great detail. They sat together and talked and prayed and came to the room to share with Sherry what was happening. She was adamant about not doing the surgery. 

Sherry was moved to palliative care and we all gathered together in her room. Emily and Gabe made it up that afternoon and we all just sat while Sherry rested peacefully for the first time since the whole ordeal began a week and a half before. 

There are several moments I will never forget. Watching my father-in-law love and care for his wife of 63 1/2 years was one of the most beautiful things I've ever witnessed. I will treasure the above picture for the rest of my life. 

Sherry passed away at 2am Thanksgiving morning. Bob was beside her as she took her last breath. It was much quicker than any of us expected. As I sit here today, one day later, I'm still a bit in shock. Her passing was peaceful and quick, just the way she would have wanted. 

Sherry was the best mother-in-law I could have had. She was loving, supportive, and giving. I will miss 6:00 dinners, her pretzels, and burned cornbread muffins. I will miss her hugs, her laughter, and the way she tried to hurry Bob through a story. I will forever miss appetizers before the Christmas meal, stockings on our plates, and her thoughtful gifts.  

She did so much for all of us. Not long after a surgery, she drove across the country to be there when her son climbed down from a mountain and finished walking 2200 miles. She never missed giving our children a care package at every holiday.  She suffered blister burns on her legs after sitting outside in the sun for a dance recital. She endured black fly bites for a 10 year old's baseball game. She nearly froze to death to experience Ely's Halloween festivities so she could watch Caleb and Isabel run around with complete joy. 

I'll never forget the first time she held every one of our babies and the way she looked on them with love and pride. 

And she was there for every single move we have ever made. 

The hole left in our family will never be filled. Only Mimi can fit in it. She was more than a wife, mother, and grandmother. She was the glue that tied us together and in just the few hours since she's been gone her presence is sorely missed. 

Sherry Ebert... You gave me one of the greatest gifts you ever produced, your son. I can only hope that your legacy will be carried on through our children and their children as they tell the stories of how wonderful you are. As I look into the eyes of your youngest grandson, I see you. I will do my best to make sure he never forgets where those eyes came from. 

We will love and miss you forever.