Teresa's Ponderings

What a ride we have been on the last couple of days! This tale isn't long, but for us it has been full of ups and downs. I won't waste a bunch of your time with a long intro and besides, I can't think of a good transition anyway. The church we will soon be attending has a great parsonage next door. There's a parking lot and nice grassy play area that separates the two, but it is easily accessible for my hubby, which is a big deal when you are blind and rely on others to drive you around. The only problem? It is a cape cod; two bedrooms and one bath on the main floor and a big open room upstairs with no bathroom. No problem for most families. We, however, are just a little larger than the 2.2 kid average that is prevalent in America. Curt saw the one bathroom and I could see the tears form. OK, maybe not, but in my overactive imagination that's how I picture the scene going down. All this doesn't really matter, except to say, the church decided to build on to...

In 19 days, my whole life will change, yet again. In 19 days, everything that has become comfortable and normal will be wiped away, another page in the book of my life will turn and there at the top will appear the next chapter heading. This new chapter is currently being called "Canton" and I have no idea how this chapter will begin nor do I know how it will end. I do, however, know how I came to the end of this chapter and that is something many of you are wondering about. Allow me to take you on the journey with us and pardon any rambling or rabbit trails I may take along the way. This is a story I will tell from my perspective. I'd love to tell it from another point of view, but this is how I remember the sequence and if I put this disclaimer now I may avoid my husband, who has the memory of an elephant, from correcting me. Actually, probably not, because he has turned correcting me into a hobby, but whatever. Some months ago, Curt came in the door from his of...

Curt and I have an addiction to ice cream. It's pathetic, but we have to constantly keep each other in check on how much we consume. One of our more bittersweet trips to Springfield comes when we have to go to the hospital. Inevitably we are there because someone is severely sick or dying. Rarely are we there for a celebration like the birth of a child so our drive to Springfield on those days is rough. However, we try to find a light at the end of the proverbial tunnel by promising ourselves Cold Stone Creamery after a visit. It has become a tradition. On this particular night we had our two youngest children with us. We affectionately refer to them as the littles. I am not even sure how this got started, but it is an accurate term for this stage of life. They came to us much later than our two oldest children and they are tiny balls of energy. After Isabel and Curt had made their visit to the hospital (Caleb and I stayed in the car and played a game called Ingress because...

Today was not a good day. It was good for awhile, then not. Then good, then not. You get the picture. The events of today left me feeling defeated. It's an emotion I have had the displeasure of having with me often, especially recently. The "role" I now "play" often leads me to feelings of inadequacy, solitude, and sadness. I often feel overburdened, overworked, under appreciated and used. These emotions aren't limited to me, I know many other people could say the same, but it doesn't stop those feelings from being there. Today didn't help. It's Monday. And Mondays are the day most ministers quit...did you know that? I don't know if there is an official percentage but it's what I've always heard. I think it could be true. Who knows? Let's just pretend it is. I'm not sure why that's the day so many throw in the towel, but for us I know what makes it a day to dread. It's the day that we let our guard down against...

Today was a beautiful day! Not only was the weather incredible, but it is Easter, my favorite holiday. Without Easter life has no meaning, but that's a topic for another blog post. The majority of our day was spent outside. We put an old comforter out on the front lawn and basked in the sunlight and warmth. The kids wrote stories, rode bikes, ran in circles and threw a Frisbee throughout the afternoon. I sat and watched them with a joyful heart and complete contentment. And then I had a moment. As I watched my children play, I had an overwhelming feeling that something was missing. Well, not something, someone. I watched the kids and someone was missing. I counted: 1, 2, 3, 4..... yep, all there, and yet, somehow, it didn't seem right. Someone was missing. I expressed this thought out loud and Emily, in her typical poking way, replied that someone was indeed missing; a 3 year old Ugandan. I laughed because since her return to the US she has been pretty sure we need ...

The following is a true story, written by someone that should have known better. Saturday morning I ran the farthest distance I have run consecutively to date; 11 miles. I was pumped. I came home and jumped on the scale because I love seeing the number dip below my actual weight after a run. It gives me hope that one day that will be my actual weight. Except Saturday, the number wasn't low. It was 4 lbs heavier than my last recorded weight. Not cool. I just assumed it was an off day and waited to weigh myself on Sunday at the appointed time I usually weigh myself. Sadly, the numbers revealed I now weighed FIVE pounds heavier than my last recorded weight. Really. Not. Cool. So I did what most women do when they get bad news. I ate. I ate and I ate and I ate and I ate. Then we went on an 11 1/2 mile bike ride to town and back. NOW, things would be better. Monday I got on the scale and sure enough... still 5 lbs up. So I ate. Monday through Wednesday I found my...

I have such a heavy heart this morning. It is heavy because of my own failings, sin and disobedience. It is heavy because this day, today, I know where I have given in to society, world thoughts, fears, and shame. I know that in trying to love, I have held back true love. I realize that by only "walking the walk" I have, in all actuality, done nothing. Recently we have had several people from our past die. A couple have been celebrations of life. Too many have been awakenings to my closed mouth and ridiculous fear. The celebrations have come from knowing that the person who died, beyond any doubt, were believers in Christ. They were not just believers, they were followers. They had made the decision to make Christ the Lord of their life. They were disciples. They knew whom they loved and they walked the path laid before them. They had died to the person they once were and had become a completely new creation because of Jesus. Gone were the old ways of doing things...

The last 6 hours have been mentally exhausting. There's a part of me that would like to leave it at that, but then you would miss out on the story and the lesson I learned.  We have been letting Caleb sleep in bed with us the last few weeks because of the night terrors and nightmares he has been having. It has been easier for me to take care of him and it is reassuring for him to have mom and dad so close. In fact, the last week has been great. He is starting to act like his old self (happy, laughing, loving, kind) and sleeping through the night. It has been such a fantastic turn around that last night, Curt and I spent time in prayer praising God for this "recovery" and praying over Caleb for more "healing." I got into bed knowing my children were all safe and where they needed to be, even if Emily was a world away in Uganda. I prayed she would get the sleep she needed to start her first full day in Africa and I fell asleep almost instantly, as I oft...

There has been a radical change in Curt and I's life. Not quite as noticeable as Curt's change when he came to know Christ, but bigger than, "How do you like my new shoes?" Curt has dropped 56 inches and 90 pounds off his body since the summer of 2013. I have dropped 51 inches and 64 pounds since March of 2012. How did we accomplish what we once thought was impossible?? It is quite simple actually. We: 1) Moved More 2) Ate Less Seriously. That's all we did. Kind of. Sounds easy enough, but it isn't. So here is how it went. Back after Isabel was born I decided to get into shape and try to run a 5K. It was a half-hearted attempt at running and I never did pursue my "training" the way I should. I ran/walked the 5K I signed up for, with a LOT more running than I should have done considering my lack of dedication to training (thanks for pushing me San). And that was that. I could say I did it, I wore my t shirt with pride and I only had...

I have been kicking around for some time what I want to blog about next. I have had several thoughts running through this ever busy brain and this morning I decided I am just going to post all my thoughts, in no particular order, so they can quit bouncing around inside like my two littles on their beds after week 200 million of being cooped up inside from this ridiculously long and very cold winter. 1. Last year after all the mild temps I heard time after time, "Bugs are going to be bad this year. No hard freeze to kill them off." Well.... we've had several hard freezes, we better have next to zero bugs or I'm going to start using bug spray on every person that says this from now on. Including myself. 2. I'm awfully proud of myself for not complaining about the cold on Facebook. Why state the obvious? 3. Curt has lost enough body fat now to complain about the cold with me so I feel no need to draw others into my pity party. We've got a pretty good ...

As Curt and I are on this weight loss journey, we have taken many moments to look back on our life together. We have reminisced about the many times we have started, and subsequently stopped, losing weight, and the "reasons" behind doing so. It has made me ponder about the way things have turned out for us and "from whence" we came. I believe learning from the past is essential to growth but there are some things I would love to go back and tell my 20 something self and avoid having to fix those things now. Develop Exercise Habits Seriously. Why oh why didn't I do this when I was actually in shape and healthy? There is probably a small part of me that knew I could get out of shape and gain weight, but I didn't take that seriously. At no other time in my life have I actually had the time to develop good habits of exercise, and how did I choose to spend it? Watching TV and hanging out in various places on my rear end. And while I sat on said rear end, it ex...