Teresa's Ponderings

I have such a heavy heart this morning. It is heavy because of my own failings, sin and disobedience. It is heavy because this day, today, I know where I have given in to society, world thoughts, fears, and shame. I know that in trying to love, I have held back true love. I realize that by only "walking the walk" I have, in all actuality, done nothing. Recently we have had several people from our past die. A couple have been celebrations of life. Too many have been awakenings to my closed mouth and ridiculous fear. The celebrations have come from knowing that the person who died, beyond any doubt, were believers in Christ. They were not just believers, they were followers. They had made the decision to make Christ the Lord of their life. They were disciples. They knew whom they loved and they walked the path laid before them. They had died to the person they once were and had become a completely new creation because of Jesus. Gone were the old ways of doing things...

The last 6 hours have been mentally exhausting. There's a part of me that would like to leave it at that, but then you would miss out on the story and the lesson I learned.  We have been letting Caleb sleep in bed with us the last few weeks because of the night terrors and nightmares he has been having. It has been easier for me to take care of him and it is reassuring for him to have mom and dad so close. In fact, the last week has been great. He is starting to act like his old self (happy, laughing, loving, kind) and sleeping through the night. It has been such a fantastic turn around that last night, Curt and I spent time in prayer praising God for this "recovery" and praying over Caleb for more "healing." I got into bed knowing my children were all safe and where they needed to be, even if Emily was a world away in Uganda. I prayed she would get the sleep she needed to start her first full day in Africa and I fell asleep almost instantly, as I oft...

There has been a radical change in Curt and I's life. Not quite as noticeable as Curt's change when he came to know Christ, but bigger than, "How do you like my new shoes?" Curt has dropped 56 inches and 90 pounds off his body since the summer of 2013. I have dropped 51 inches and 64 pounds since March of 2012. How did we accomplish what we once thought was impossible?? It is quite simple actually. We: 1) Moved More 2) Ate Less Seriously. That's all we did. Kind of. Sounds easy enough, but it isn't. So here is how it went. Back after Isabel was born I decided to get into shape and try to run a 5K. It was a half-hearted attempt at running and I never did pursue my "training" the way I should. I ran/walked the 5K I signed up for, with a LOT more running than I should have done considering my lack of dedication to training (thanks for pushing me San). And that was that. I could say I did it, I wore my t shirt with pride and I only had...

I have been kicking around for some time what I want to blog about next. I have had several thoughts running through this ever busy brain and this morning I decided I am just going to post all my thoughts, in no particular order, so they can quit bouncing around inside like my two littles on their beds after week 200 million of being cooped up inside from this ridiculously long and very cold winter. 1. Last year after all the mild temps I heard time after time, "Bugs are going to be bad this year. No hard freeze to kill them off." Well.... we've had several hard freezes, we better have next to zero bugs or I'm going to start using bug spray on every person that says this from now on. Including myself. 2. I'm awfully proud of myself for not complaining about the cold on Facebook. Why state the obvious? 3. Curt has lost enough body fat now to complain about the cold with me so I feel no need to draw others into my pity party. We've got a pretty good ...

As Curt and I are on this weight loss journey, we have taken many moments to look back on our life together. We have reminisced about the many times we have started, and subsequently stopped, losing weight, and the "reasons" behind doing so. It has made me ponder about the way things have turned out for us and "from whence" we came. I believe learning from the past is essential to growth but there are some things I would love to go back and tell my 20 something self and avoid having to fix those things now. Develop Exercise Habits Seriously. Why oh why didn't I do this when I was actually in shape and healthy? There is probably a small part of me that knew I could get out of shape and gain weight, but I didn't take that seriously. At no other time in my life have I actually had the time to develop good habits of exercise, and how did I choose to spend it? Watching TV and hanging out in various places on my rear end. And while I sat on said rear end, it ex...

This may be hard to believe, but I am not always obedient. Never have been. Now, don't get me wrong, I was a good kid and really didn't give my mother or father much grief, but there were still times I was disobedient. Nothing in particular stands out from my past about the times I was disobedient to my parents, but I know there WERE times and for those times, I, of course am sorry. (really) Disobedience is a funny thing. There is always some "good" reason behind our act and at the time it seems all consuming and more important than the act of obedience, otherwise, why would we do it? Maybe the issue is pride. Maybe the issue is I just don't want to. Maybe the issue is showing the other person they don't have control over our life, but no matter the reason, we have decided that what we want to do is more important than listening to someone else. There have been two different times in my life that disobedience paid a big price for me. Both situations are...

This morning I did something I haven't done in almost 12 years. It's funny how I can remember that, I can't remember how much I spent on my last trip to Walmart, but I can remember this. It is random, not at all theological, nor is it rational. However, I have felt the need and desire to do it at least twice in my life (much more when I was younger I am sure) and both times I have received the words I needed to hear. The first occasion was a cool fall night. I can remember the windows being open and I can remember my tears. It was the middle of the night and Curt and Emily were sound asleep but my brain was busy with its own thoughts. Curt and I were unable to have any more children. We had tried for 3 years to no avail. I was devastated. The events surrounding my pregnancy with Emily were as such that I did not truly appreciate what was happening inside my body. On this night, I was pretty sure God was punishing me for every past sin I had committed (bad theology) and fo...