Teresa's Ponderings

  "As a dog returns to his vomit, so a fool repeats his folly."   Proverbs 26:11 This is me. Over and over. 2 Peter tells us that we are enslaved to whatever defeats us. I'm a slave to food. I don't know why I can't overcome this. What is it within my own heart that stops me from complete surrender?  Part of it is a feeling that I don't deserve to be healthy, active, and in shape. I have this absolutely sickening sense of, "You are nothing. You deserve nothing. You should remain nothing." I'm well aware of how unhealthy this way of thinking is. I KNOW it is a lie, but I wallow in it, hating myself more and more.  I'm hoping today will be the last day of confessions. Truthfully, I feel like I have one more day of needing to confess before I turn the corner and begin the long road of allowing God to work in me, because that's what is needed. I have to allow God to work. I have to surrender. I have to make the choice; daily, hourly and even ...

  "For since he himself has suffered when he was tempted, he is able to help those who are tempted."  Hebrews 2:18 Truth #2: I have help readily available if I'll just seek it.  A food addiction seems pretty low on the scale of things that I'd need to seek help for, but the truth is, anything that controls me is my god. That's a sobering thought.  To make things worse, food is an addiction that you can't just quit cold turkey. Food is necessary for survival. I can't just walk away from eating and never buy it again, or never step foot near somewhere that would cause me to be tempted to partake. Stopping this addiction the way a person would smoking doesn't work. You have to eat to live.  And I like food.  But my issue is much deeper than just liking food. Much deeper than needing a "fix" when I'm struggling with the kids midafternoon. Deeper than portion control.  It's rebellion.  I may need Jesus to knock the food out of my hands, bu...

  "For the bread of God is the one who comes down from heaven and gives life to the world." John 6:33 First major truth: I've forgotten where my nourishment comes from. I was made to crave, but I'm not craving the One I was designed to crave. My need for junk food has risen to ridiculous proportions. My level of "I don't care" has surpassed that. Yesterday, I pulled out my copy of Lisa Terkeurst's Made To Crave and I have decided to do her study again. It really helps me focus on relying on God to get me through the times I want to turn to food instead of Him.  You see, there was a point not very long ago that I quit caring about my health, my focus, and definitely my weight. I quit caring how I looked to others and I quit worrying about the future.  I no longer cared if I was around to see my kids as adults. I mean, adult kids do nothing but hurt your heart so deeply that you can't breathe, so why would I want to be around to see 4 adult childre...

  "At that time, when you call, the LORD will answer; when you cry out, he will say, 'Here I am.' Isaiah 58:9a As I begin typing this morning, I have a heightened sense of knowing I've been here before. Not a single thought I've had is a new one. In fact, I feel like a broken record. I can't help but feel like an addict; one whose family rolls their eyes each and every time she announces that she's ready to stop the drugs and they can't help but immediately think, "I wonder for how long this  time." But, here I am, desperate. Desperate to reclaim my life and my body. Desperate to reclaim my thoughts and actions. Desperate to like myself once more.  I can't wait for January 1st. I only waited until a Monday because it just happened to be November 1st and I knew I needed to get through Halloween. So, today it begins. Monday, November 1st, 2021 is the beginning of a change in my focus. Over the next several days and weeks I hope to put into w...