Teresa's Ponderings

This may be hard to believe, but I am not always obedient. Never have been. Now, don't get me wrong, I was a good kid and really didn't give my mother or father much grief, but there were still times I was disobedient. Nothing in particular stands out from my past about the times I was disobedient to my parents, but I know there WERE times and for those times, I, of course am sorry. (really) Disobedience is a funny thing. There is always some "good" reason behind our act and at the time it seems all consuming and more important than the act of obedience, otherwise, why would we do it? Maybe the issue is pride. Maybe the issue is I just don't want to. Maybe the issue is showing the other person they don't have control over our life, but no matter the reason, we have decided that what we want to do is more important than listening to someone else. There have been two different times in my life that disobedience paid a big price for me. Both situations are...

This morning I did something I haven't done in almost 12 years. It's funny how I can remember that, I can't remember how much I spent on my last trip to Walmart, but I can remember this. It is random, not at all theological, nor is it rational. However, I have felt the need and desire to do it at least twice in my life (much more when I was younger I am sure) and both times I have received the words I needed to hear. The first occasion was a cool fall night. I can remember the windows being open and I can remember my tears. It was the middle of the night and Curt and Emily were sound asleep but my brain was busy with its own thoughts. Curt and I were unable to have any more children. We had tried for 3 years to no avail. I was devastated. The events surrounding my pregnancy with Emily were as such that I did not truly appreciate what was happening inside my body. On this night, I was pretty sure God was punishing me for every past sin I had committed (bad theology) and fo...

I am 41 years old. In those 41 years I have hurt many people and I have been hurt by many people. I have done some awfully stupid things and I have had some awfully stupid things done to me. We're human, it's going to happen. Learning how to handle those situations as they happen is a very tricky situation. We teach children from a very early age to go to the person they have wronged and tell them, "I'm sorry". Whether the offending child is actually sorry for what they have done is of no consequence in most situations, it is the learning process of making a wrong right that is being taught. Generally, the child that has been offended  is then taught to say, "It's ok". Now, whether or not what has actually been done to this child is ok or not, we teach them to say those words because it is the learning process of forgiving that is being taught. Caution: Thinking that goes against society ahead! I believe we may be doing our children a disserv...

I came home from my run yesterday with a heavy heart. I had just stopped and visited with a couple that has received some devastating news and I hurt for them and their family. What the future holds for them is as unclear as the gray murky skies I now view from my chair. The safety and security they once held as a couple growing old together has been shattered and their daily routines have come to an abrupt halt. Ministry has caused a great amount of contemplation to almost everything I do now. On this day, that sense of contemplation was heightened. As I was stretching outside I glanced around the scenery before me. Most of what I saw was barren farm land. As far as my eye could see there were fields a half mile in length of nothing but tilled up ground or mowed down corn stalks. Field after field after field after field. Depressing brown ugliness which aided my mood of grief and sadness. As I finished my visual sweep of the land I turned my face into the beams of the sun. Its ...

Silence Like music to my ears echoing through the walls Peace Filling every corner of my soul Window Revealing the climate of the moment God Filling me with His love, patience, mercy and grace Facebook Distracting me with witty posts and responses Priorities Out of whack occasionally House Pigsty at best Mornings Starting the day with a smile and song Yes, that's my pathetic attempt at poetry. I'm sure there is some type of form I'm supposed to follow, but I've read plenty of poetry that follows zilch for form so, here ya go. In fact, allow me to go off topic for a moment. When I was in college we had the distinct honor of meeting a poet. I'll refrain from giving too much information about the man, because I wouldn't want to offend anyone. My literature professor was so pumped with excitement to have this man come to campus. He came from another area of the US and was here specifically for us, this poetry class. He was also doing some readings...

Do you ever do something to embarrass yourself? I do, often. Most of the time it is something I have said that makes me wince with pain and want to crawl into a hole and hide until no one (especially me) remembers what I said. It's one thing to say or do something around one or two people or even around a small group, but to embarrass oneself in public takes a special kind of talent. I have that talent. The last 3 weeks have been hard on our family and this doesn't exclude our children. By evening of  the Saturday after Thanksgiving we were all ready to be home. Our littles weren't sleeping anywhere near enough and the fatigue was obvious on all of our faces. By Sunday after church, Caleb had turned into a child I had never seen before, Curt and I were bickering over the dumbest things and I am pretty sure our oldest two were doing everything they could to blend into the back seats and not be seen. Did I mention Caleb's head was spinning (shout out to the Exor...

The tornado changed everything. Not only did it change the lives of the people living in Washington, but it changed us, living 120 miles away, forever. No longer can I look at certain landmarks and bask in the memories, it is those memories I must use to remember the landmarks. When going "home" I can no longer run into a familiar face and casually ask, "How are you?" Many of those faces have faced dangers I have only seen on tv and survived. They are piecing back together the broken remains of their homes, belongings and lives. When I think about being thankful, it is the people I have encountered along the way that remind me of what is truly important and what I should be thankful for each and every day of my life. Here is a short list of the things I would have blogged about, had the tornado not disrupted life: #1 Memories- I don't believe we should live in the past, but memories are something I can look back on and reflect on. Some memories aren't ...